Beauty in the Broken Places: Part 2 of Two

When facing my own trauma and brokenness I prided myself on not burdening others with my issues. Hell, after all, I was a trained and experienced ‘container of pain’, and I had to ‘to keep it together’ for everyone else’s sake. This was my role in my family too....

Beauty in the Broken Places. Part 1 of Two Part Series

There is a famous quote by Hemingway that goes like this: “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong in the broken places.” But, actually, that is just the first line of a longer quote; a deeper assessment of brokenness and its inevitability. The rest...

30 Ideas to Spice It Up!

I’m back! After a month off of social media work to focus on family things, I am back and so excited to jump back into this time with you! After having an hilarious and funny conversation with a client about, as she described it as “sex tips for a couple who actually...

Love and Connection Through Death.

I just got back from a quick turnaround but long driving trip to attend a funeral of a loved one. In the hours of the trip in the quiet moments when both kiddos were happy and quiet, I had time to think. About love, family, death and everything in between. Which you...

50 Questions to Ask Your Lover

I was asked recently how I talk to people in my life about sex and sexuality and my personal history. The supposition from my client was that it MUST be really easy for me to talk about my personal experiences with people in my life. Not necessarily. I’ve had my own...

50 Questions to Ask Your Lover Exercise

This is a fun and thought provoking exercise to complete with your lover or future lover. I hope you have loads of fun and learn a lot about yourself and your lover through the questions. This exercise is intended to open up the dialogue on a range of topics within...

What is Your Warning Label?

I bought a new hair dryer recently and as I unraveled the endless packaging and stickers, I was struck by the warning labels. There were three. THREE! On a hair dryer. Just like with mattresses and everything else I buy, I am guilty of rarely, probably never, reading...

We Only Have One Life to Live: Thriving in Ambiguity

We only have one life to live. This concept is such a fascinating one to me. We only have one life to live…. It is the beginning of 2017 and, thus, time for my annual vision boarding-- collaging. I love me some collaging but this year was different for me. 2016 was an...

That Damn Midnight Kiss on New Year’s Eve

The start down begins…. the count nears 5 and you start looking around for who you are going to pucker up with after the proclamation of “Happy New Year!!!”. You either know who it will be, have certainty you’ll be keeping your kissing lips to yourself or you look...

Fragile and Fierce Love

The holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions. Love is amongst them. Love can make you feel on top of the world and can warm every cell in your body but the perceived absence of it can also leave you feeling lonely and lost. How do you describe ‘love’? I’ve pondered,...

What’s new for 2017 and How to Work with Me

Happy happy holidays to you! I will be taking the rest of the year off of work to focus on family, reflecting on 2016 and planning for 2017. My responses back to your messages will not be as quick as usual but I will do my best to get back to everyone who writes me. I...

Is There a Positive Place for Porn? Part 5 of 5 Part Series

The reaction to this short series on porn has been so interesting. Some have been uncomfortable I’ve spent so much time on the topic, others don’t think I have gone far enough, a few think I am too condemning while some think I’ve been to easy on the industry. As I’ve...

A Parent Guide to Porn and Kids

I admit, it is hard for me to write ‘porn’ and ‘kids’ in the same sentence.  It is just an uncomfortable topic.  There are a wide variety of opinions about it similar to sex education. Do you tell them 100% you better not look at it?  Do you just make it hard for them...

The Ick Of Porn

[This article addresses the taboo of problematic and addictive porn use. It is a case to remove the stigma and to shed light on some of the challenges someone with porn addiction faces. It is not about diagnosing addiction in you or someone else. If there is an...

Putting a Face to Porn Addiction

*written anonymously. names and identifiers removed to protect identity. A Snapshot. I hope that sharing my story will help others to take a sincere and honest look at their current and lifetime use (or their partner’s use) of porn and the potential lies and...

Who is Your Porn Buddy ?

Globally, the porn industry draws in around $97 billion according to a study out of New Mexico State University. The US represents about 10-13 billion of this figure. There are various figures thrown out and I’m not sure how that number is exactly derived but I don’t...

Men, Sexuality, This Election, Purple and Hope

This election PROVES sexuality is an issue that NEEDS to be dealt with. Head on. This election shed a light on the polarities formed within and because of sexuality. This election confirms, we MUST look at sexuality from a different lens.   Of course some of this...

My Circles of Sexuality

I had a wonderful question posed to me before a coaching consult call last week---she asked me to explain the circles of sexuality I had mentioned previously to her so that she could use it as a framework to focus attention to strengthen her sexuality. I flipped out...

Kiss Dare: A Complicated Brew of Sexuality in your 40’s

I tend to be a sounding board for thoughts, recipient of questions, keeper of secrets and a holder of confessions once people find out my profession. It doesn’t matter where I am. Grocery store, ballet class, football games, emails, texts... And I wouldn’t have it any...

Discovering Sexy: Part 2

A few weeks ago I wrote about ‘finding sexy’ and explored what it means to be and to feel sexy. I keep diving deeper into the concept of sexy and think about it a lot. ‘Sexy’ is such a fascinating and bizarre THING. It is different for everyone. What you FIND sexy in...

Letter to My College Bound Son About Sexuality

My son is going to college next year and my heartstrings are pulled knowing what is ahead of him. The good, the bad, the exciting, the scary. I want the best for him and I also want to protect him and arm him with as much information as I can shove at him in the...

Finding Sexy

I am sitting in a large ballroom near the end of a grand banquet table within a gorgeous chateau in the French countryside. I’m pinching myself because this isn’t the start to some scintillating fantasy. I’m actually here. And I made it happen. Through tears and fears...

Surrender and Vulnerability

As I’ve been working on my new e-course and book on desire/libido, two words keep reappearing: vulnerability and surrender. When I say these words to women, the reaction is often physical… visceral. I can actually see the recoil, the grimace, the eye rolling. I have...

Finding YOUR Sexy

(DISNEY VIDEO) Okay so let’s just get the obvious out of the way…..my hair, that outfit, the hyena laugh, you didn’t know I acted in a former life. Yep. On all of those! My brother in law says he has nightmares about that one note I hit halfway through the commercial....

Is That a Pina Colada on Your Head Guy

This story comes to you from a woman who never got to the release part of the story. She’s been married to her ‘catch’ for 33 years.   Here is how their love story began. She is in her late 60’s and submitted this fabulous story. “Catherine” is an avid basketball fan...

My First Sexual Mentor or Ode to a “Good Girl

  I spent a lot of my energy and time trying to be a good girl growing up. I wanted to please my mother. I wanted to impress her friends. I wanted to make my grandparents proud. I thought that was the goal. To be good. “Good”. The problem was how do you define ‘good...

Ducking your Sock Guy

  Today’s Catch and Release is brought to you by FB Messenger. I am short on demographic details and long on amusing questions. Message: Hot guy:          I want you. I know you know that. CATCH When she received this text, she had an instant smile. A smirk. Her heart...

Sexuality in the workplace

I am preparing for a webinar this week and my topic is how sexual agency shows up in our workplace. At first glance, it may seem unrelated but it isn’t. Our sexuality and our sexual agency is with us in every context, every minute, every relationship. I’ve also been...

Delete Me P-L-E-A-S-E Guy

I would wager that we have all been there at some point. Some one else’s crazy. Someone’s Catch and Release story. I know I have. Here is a story given to me by a dear friend. It is called “Delete Me P-L-E-A-S-E” guy. He met this guy and, at first blush, he seemed...

The Sexuality Skinny: How to Have Conversations about Sexuality

One of my favorite stories from a former student happened over  Thanksgiving dinner. We were several months into the semester and were diving deep into sexuality conversations. I witnessed her blossoming and coming into her own. She began the semester shy about the...

15 Benefits to Putting Yourself into the Journey of Sexual Agency

As I wrote in an earlier post about why I devised my sexuality revolution course, I have SEEN the changes in women as they move through this process. Women of all ages and walks of life – teenagers, grandmothers, married, single, you name it – have benefitted greatly...

‘In the Rain’ Guy

So I was set up on a date with a guy who seemed to be a great fit. He was described as fun, smart, down to earth, accomplished, laid back and sure of himself. I like all those things…. So I said yes to meeting him in a group setting. We shared a casual dinner together...

One-Liner Guy

One-liner Guy This Catch and Release story comes from a story told to me and a friend. “Beth” is hysterical with such an awesome sense of humor and I wish that I could video her telling the story so you could laugh at her presentation and reenactment of it. This story...

The Game Changer: (Hint: It’s a word banned by Facebook)

What is sexual agency? When I am asked what I do and what the crux of my courses and classes is, I answer, ‘Sexual agency,’ which is often met with blank faces or confused head bobs. So I break into one of my extra excited talks about sexual agency and feel thrilled...

My Sexuality Soapbox-Sex or Sexuality?

You’ll read on my website and hear in my e-courses, retreats and speaking engagements that I use the term sexuality much more than I do sex. I also describe what I do as helping empower women through a purposeful examination of sexuality. WHAT??? ‘What are you talking...

“Groupie Guy” a C &R contributor story

I am thrilled to see the response to my Catch and Release series. Thank you so much for your interest, support and responses. Another exciting update is that ‘Catch and Release’ stories from the you, the readers, have started rolling in! I love it! I can’t tell you...

What is a Professional (S)expert?

  What is a professional (S)expert? The path that led me to my passion of teaching the world about 'sexual agency'. I am asked often these days what I do as a profession. It was easy when I was a therapist seeing clients or an instructor at a university. My current...

Rating Guy

Rating Guy I didn’t really want to go out with him. I didn’t feel drawn to him or jazzed up about him but my friends and I made a pact to be open to whatever ‘opportunities’ came before us so I did it. And I accepted the date because I am an optimist. You never know,...

The Napa Trip Guy

I’ve started a blog series called “Catch and Release”. It was born out of a series of conversations with a friend during my single days. I proclaimed that we were going to stop making fun of the dudes we dated for being SO ridiculous but rather see them as not fully...

Double Date with the Ex

One of my good friends and I were talking one night years into our single days and the conversation turned to one of our inevitable topics—our dating escapades. This topic usually included lots of laughter, an occasional tear or two, a few sighs sprinkled here and...

Catch and Release: The Scrapbook Guy

One of my good friends and I were talking one night, years into our single days. Conversation turned to one of our inevitable conversations—our dating escapades. This topic usually included lots of laughter, an occasional tear or two, a few sighs sprinkled here and...